Man, this year with politics has really broken a lot of relationships around me that i've seen. Personally, i think i've, for the first time, come to understand a huge difference between the 'conversatives' and the 'liberals'. I never quite paid as much attention to all of that stuff until this last election year and seeing the huge divide and differences among & between these parties. I'm actually finding myself for the first time having an issue with republicans based on what they stand for as a whole. I'm even not liking or investing in certain people because they don't 'have my back'. I dunno. I'm still obviously working thru that.
This weight that i've put on since this disc issue in my neck is really getting to me too. I can't go out anywhere because i can't fit into any clothes except for shorts that i have. I really don't want to go investing in new pants/ jeans since i don't plan on staying this way long after i get well enough to work out again. And with the physical therapy i've been doing lately, the pain seems to be coming back more. I'm not sure if it's because the rest of my body is being adjusted and so the actual problem area is showing itself because there's nothing else to mask it anymore. Just last month, i was at least able to do some form of the insanity workout and jump and do things with my arms with cardio and it didn't hurt as bad, but now, just any position i'm in is hurting. I just want to be over this.
Last night, I went and met up with a guy i have always seen from a distance here, never knew him in person, but as of late, with my move back to Seattle, he said hey to me on bbrt and we've exchanged a few chats. Went over to his place to hang out, something i probably shouldn't have done because i flaked on someone else since he was working late and by the time i regretted it, there was really no taking it back and trying to have a good night with that. Anyway, just seeing someone that looks hotter than you and you know you're not, and you're trying not to give out the energy that you'd love him to fuck you and make out or something and you're just there to be a friend. Cuddling was on the agenda but i wasn't expecting it and it didn't happen, so i'm glad i wasn't disappointed from that. I was apprehensive to begin with to go there. I'm sure we won't talk again. But as much as i say i won't let it bother me, it does. I feel just unattractive right now. And it somewhat depresses me my plight at the moment. I just can't do a thing about it until i'm fixed. I'm a little apprehensive to meet anyone at all now. Even the 24 year old that keeps saying i have 'cute' in my favor and shit. I'm getting tired of hearing those words from people online. I don't ever say that. I just always tell them they have nice pics. Keeping that distance never gets me anywhere and putting too much into it doesn't either, so where's the happy medium?
I did meet a guy this last week, had some great sex and hoping to keep that up as a regular. I still have to see Christopher too and i will i guess.
I just worked a late night, a fucking 12 hour day. I'm beat but part of me doesn't want to go to bed, but i'm tired. I know i won't want to wake up in the morning. It's supposed to be raining all weekend. I'm excited about that. I'm just really re-thinking my move up here, but it has to be this way for a while. I just hope i'm somewhat back to normal by January to move out of here again. I miss having a place of my own. This place doesn't feel like home as it did last time i lived here.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
just watched....
Just watched "Love & Other Drugs" with Jake Gyllenhaal & Anne Hathaway. Movie made me think and also caused me to ponder a couple questions. I was almost and probably still will, put those questions on my dudesnude profile. I'm not sure why, but maybe it will give some insight to others as to what i'm all about, since I remain to be a mystery all the time.
Sometimes I have quite the number of thoughts that roll thru my head and I keep them all to myself. I don't talk to anyone about those thoughts and I don't or haven't posted them here because I feel this blog was supposed to have more of a dirty direction. But maybe this blog can have both. *shrug*
Anyway, so there's one scene where Anne Hathaway's character Maggie asks Jake's character Jamie "What 4 good things can you say about yourself?" So....here's mine:
I'm driven
I'm thoughtful
I'm generous
I'm sweet
On the flip side, because I always consider another side or the opposites, here are the 4 bad things I can say about myself. There's always 2 sides to everything:
I'm lazy
I'm selfish
I'm cautious - perhaps overly
I'm douchy
between those 4 things good & bad, making a total of 8 for those that can't add, I feel a little complex. Those things are what make me the good & bad person I am.
I'm driven in certain things but i'm lazy in much. I'm lazy when it comes to building friendships & relationships, or maybe that's cautious.
I'm sweet but only to others who are deserving of it, which is mostly anyone until proven guilty then I get douchy to ....'idiots'.
Sometimes Grindr really annoys me. Or maybe it's just the people on grindr. So, I tend to get douchy with people who are thoughtless, don't think about anyone else but themselves, their own agendas. Like, when they pop on, don't have a pic, but message me and ask for 'more pics'. I'm like, are you serious? You don't even have a pic, I do and you want more? Click! It's not just Grindr that happens though but you get my point. I just wish some people would have some etiquette sometimes, but that's a wish that will never get fulfilled so I don't spend too much time on that thought. Ha!
I recently bought this dildo last week and I've been sticking it up my poop chute everyday since I've got it. It's big. I literally haven't used a dildo in 10 years. Last time I used one, I ended up bleeding all the time from use, so I stopped. I figured it wasn't good for me and it just made me more loose and I didn't want to be loose to the guys who fucked my butthole. But, the reason I got it recently was to train my hole to take cock a little better. It's just been hurting so much to get fucked these days and I don't want it to hurt as bad. I want to be able to have endurance. And I'm not going to get into meth or poppers to have that endurance. I think I can have it naturally, so, we'll see how it works out. Alboline works really well. It's water proof too, so can't wait till I have a boy over and we fuck in the shower cuz it will work really well in there too.
I'm a little over due for some bareback fucking. I fucked a 25 yr old boy a couple Sundays ago. Bred his hole and he bred mine and i haven't seen him since but I'm sure I will. He spent the night, so I should be better about seeing him. Just been watching a lot of bareback fucking vids on jack4jack.com. I'm digging it for now. I'll be back in the habit before you know it.
I'm going to try to post more on here. I need to have an outlet I suppose and still remain somewhat anonymous.
Sometimes I have quite the number of thoughts that roll thru my head and I keep them all to myself. I don't talk to anyone about those thoughts and I don't or haven't posted them here because I feel this blog was supposed to have more of a dirty direction. But maybe this blog can have both. *shrug*
Anyway, so there's one scene where Anne Hathaway's character Maggie asks Jake's character Jamie "What 4 good things can you say about yourself?" So....here's mine:
I'm driven
I'm thoughtful
I'm generous
I'm sweet
On the flip side, because I always consider another side or the opposites, here are the 4 bad things I can say about myself. There's always 2 sides to everything:
I'm lazy
I'm selfish
I'm cautious - perhaps overly
I'm douchy
between those 4 things good & bad, making a total of 8 for those that can't add, I feel a little complex. Those things are what make me the good & bad person I am.
I'm driven in certain things but i'm lazy in much. I'm lazy when it comes to building friendships & relationships, or maybe that's cautious.
I'm sweet but only to others who are deserving of it, which is mostly anyone until proven guilty then I get douchy to ....'idiots'.
Sometimes Grindr really annoys me. Or maybe it's just the people on grindr. So, I tend to get douchy with people who are thoughtless, don't think about anyone else but themselves, their own agendas. Like, when they pop on, don't have a pic, but message me and ask for 'more pics'. I'm like, are you serious? You don't even have a pic, I do and you want more? Click! It's not just Grindr that happens though but you get my point. I just wish some people would have some etiquette sometimes, but that's a wish that will never get fulfilled so I don't spend too much time on that thought. Ha!
I recently bought this dildo last week and I've been sticking it up my poop chute everyday since I've got it. It's big. I literally haven't used a dildo in 10 years. Last time I used one, I ended up bleeding all the time from use, so I stopped. I figured it wasn't good for me and it just made me more loose and I didn't want to be loose to the guys who fucked my butthole. But, the reason I got it recently was to train my hole to take cock a little better. It's just been hurting so much to get fucked these days and I don't want it to hurt as bad. I want to be able to have endurance. And I'm not going to get into meth or poppers to have that endurance. I think I can have it naturally, so, we'll see how it works out. Alboline works really well. It's water proof too, so can't wait till I have a boy over and we fuck in the shower cuz it will work really well in there too.
I'm a little over due for some bareback fucking. I fucked a 25 yr old boy a couple Sundays ago. Bred his hole and he bred mine and i haven't seen him since but I'm sure I will. He spent the night, so I should be better about seeing him. Just been watching a lot of bareback fucking vids on jack4jack.com. I'm digging it for now. I'll be back in the habit before you know it.
I'm going to try to post more on here. I need to have an outlet I suppose and still remain somewhat anonymous.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
mmmm , Palm Springs with porn stars!
Last weekend was Michael Brandon's Inappropriate Behaviour Party @ Helios and it was a whole weekend planned of events really. I guess he has this annually, but i gotta tell ya, i had a fucking great time. Fucking being the key word! haha.
I was initially pretty apprehensive to go to this event at Helios and be among 'porn stars' that would be hotter than myself and probably would be snotty but i was so surprised how well i blended in and got to know these boys and they in turn got to know me, and my butthole. :-)
There were about 9-10 porn stars lined up for the weekend that Michael Brandon engaged to bring for this whole thing and i met and now consider myself friends with about 4 or 5 of them. It was just so much fun. A lot of them were bareback porn guys, which made it very awesome. The pool party was great. The hot 23 yr old was such a cool guy and hot and big dick. I never thought that thing was going to get in me, but it seems that whenever i think that, i tend to get it earlier than expected and i sure did. I was innocently going into the room to put something away or get something and he followed me into the open door and just put me against the wall, spit on his hand and slicked up his dick, a bit on my hole and slid right in and fucked me mercilessly until he shot his load in my butt. It was hot and my first load of the day. Later on, i would be laying down on the grass engaging in conversation with others and he would come behind and slick up again, slide in and fuck until he came. 2 Load! BAM! from the young hung stud. Fucking my friend in the pool was fun too and then the fun with Element - all of this out in the open. Lots of pictures were taken, perhaps some video and i have no idea where those are ending up. *shrug*
This weekend, i'm headed to SF for a softball tournament. I'm going up today to get there this evening and staying with my buddy Corey and he's going to go with me to the Cockpit party at Mack Folsom Prison. Yay. I'm hoping that will be a fun time and of course i'll be back around to tell about it.
Otherwise, looking for apartments in LA is exhausting! Trying to find a good place with all my little requirements is just tough. We'll see. I'm looking at another place today. If it's good enough, I'll put down a deposit. Wish me luck!
I was initially pretty apprehensive to go to this event at Helios and be among 'porn stars' that would be hotter than myself and probably would be snotty but i was so surprised how well i blended in and got to know these boys and they in turn got to know me, and my butthole. :-)
There were about 9-10 porn stars lined up for the weekend that Michael Brandon engaged to bring for this whole thing and i met and now consider myself friends with about 4 or 5 of them. It was just so much fun. A lot of them were bareback porn guys, which made it very awesome. The pool party was great. The hot 23 yr old was such a cool guy and hot and big dick. I never thought that thing was going to get in me, but it seems that whenever i think that, i tend to get it earlier than expected and i sure did. I was innocently going into the room to put something away or get something and he followed me into the open door and just put me against the wall, spit on his hand and slicked up his dick, a bit on my hole and slid right in and fucked me mercilessly until he shot his load in my butt. It was hot and my first load of the day. Later on, i would be laying down on the grass engaging in conversation with others and he would come behind and slick up again, slide in and fuck until he came. 2 Load! BAM! from the young hung stud. Fucking my friend in the pool was fun too and then the fun with Element - all of this out in the open. Lots of pictures were taken, perhaps some video and i have no idea where those are ending up. *shrug*
This weekend, i'm headed to SF for a softball tournament. I'm going up today to get there this evening and staying with my buddy Corey and he's going to go with me to the Cockpit party at Mack Folsom Prison. Yay. I'm hoping that will be a fun time and of course i'll be back around to tell about it.
Otherwise, looking for apartments in LA is exhausting! Trying to find a good place with all my little requirements is just tough. We'll see. I'm looking at another place today. If it's good enough, I'll put down a deposit. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
damn selfish demanding gang bang bottoms!
I think I've come to come to conclude that the bareback gang bang bottom scene is just not for me, unless it's to watch. I know some people love the blindfold and anonymous load taking hot young bottom but I've been finding they've become pretty demanding of their environment and load taking and tops and ugh...Its just not my scene.
I decided to sign up for a cum dump blindfold gang bang on BBRT that took place the other day here in LA and it was my first time going to one of those so I didn't know what to expect and I didn't make the mistake of expecting anything grand really, but i found the energy just wasn't that great. I had met the bottom at a previous event and knew about this one coming up. Since I hadn't given him a load at the last event, I promised to hopefully give him one at his little shin-dig. Unfortunately, I found that I like being the top in this situation just as much as last time -....I didn't. He squirmed about too much, bad positioning, his knees hurt when he was in a position that I could get to the point of jizzing in his butthole, but because his knees hurt on a soft bed, he had to go down on his tummy. Just not gonna work.
He's attractive, but he's sorta snobby too. Sometimes I like that or I don't seem to mind it on certain ones. It's good for a laugh after all....those damn Heathers! Who do they think they are!
Anyway, I left that hotel room without giving him a load and feeling like I really don't want to go to those again.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE groups. I thrive in groups. Mostly cuz everyone's sharing and sometimes I can take a break and stand back and watch all of this and thrive off the energy of people going at it, but sometimes I think, as much of a fantasy of mine it is to be an alone bottom collecting loads from tons of guys, that it's sorta selfish and sometimes those bottoms can just be soooo demanding. I'm not having it. I'd never want to be one of those demanding bottoms and I completely believe in sharing and not restricting others from getting their holes plugged if they want by someone they met at my little event. Soo....I don't think i'll be throwing a gang bang bottom event for myself nor do i think i'll be going to them in the near future.
Anyway, it's hump day and i'm going to a small little group tonight at a buddy's. Maybe i'll get some loads!
haha
I decided to sign up for a cum dump blindfold gang bang on BBRT that took place the other day here in LA and it was my first time going to one of those so I didn't know what to expect and I didn't make the mistake of expecting anything grand really, but i found the energy just wasn't that great. I had met the bottom at a previous event and knew about this one coming up. Since I hadn't given him a load at the last event, I promised to hopefully give him one at his little shin-dig. Unfortunately, I found that I like being the top in this situation just as much as last time -....I didn't. He squirmed about too much, bad positioning, his knees hurt when he was in a position that I could get to the point of jizzing in his butthole, but because his knees hurt on a soft bed, he had to go down on his tummy. Just not gonna work.
He's attractive, but he's sorta snobby too. Sometimes I like that or I don't seem to mind it on certain ones. It's good for a laugh after all....those damn Heathers! Who do they think they are!
Anyway, I left that hotel room without giving him a load and feeling like I really don't want to go to those again.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE groups. I thrive in groups. Mostly cuz everyone's sharing and sometimes I can take a break and stand back and watch all of this and thrive off the energy of people going at it, but sometimes I think, as much of a fantasy of mine it is to be an alone bottom collecting loads from tons of guys, that it's sorta selfish and sometimes those bottoms can just be soooo demanding. I'm not having it. I'd never want to be one of those demanding bottoms and I completely believe in sharing and not restricting others from getting their holes plugged if they want by someone they met at my little event. Soo....I don't think i'll be throwing a gang bang bottom event for myself nor do i think i'll be going to them in the near future.
Anyway, it's hump day and i'm going to a small little group tonight at a buddy's. Maybe i'll get some loads!
haha
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